Search Me, Lead Me

Let us examine our ways and test them and let us return to the Lord.
Lamentations 3:40

I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes.
Psalm 119:59

Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.
Psalm 26:2

October is one of my favorite times of year. Not because of the harvest festivals, brilliant orange pumpkins and the promise of Thanksgiving turkey coming soon. No, I love October because I can finally open my windows. The punishing heat of the Arizona summer has lifted and fresh, desert breezes blow through the rooms of my home. October is like springtime for desert dwellers. We emerge from our dark caves where we have hidden from the sun all summer long and greet our neighbors whom we haven’t seen in six months. We get excited about cleaning closets and sweeping out the nooks and crannies of our homes in anticipation of the holiday season around the corner.

Housekeeping for our souls

Similarly, we need to do a little housekeeping and sweep the cobwebs out of the corners of our soul, throw open the windows and let the Light shine in, bringing in fresh air and fresh perspectives. The yoga principles of self-awareness and self-examination echo the biblical commands to examine our ways, to test ourselves, to search our hearts and to confess our sin and be forgiven. In Christian yoga we not only examine ourselves but we also lay ourselves open before the Lord for his examination of our hearts. Our prayer is that of David in Psalm 139:23-24:

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Through our meditation on the Bible, we have already opened our hearts and minds for examination by it. When we fill our mind with God’s word it works to probe and search our thoughts.

“For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

Allow time for soul-searching

After we have filled ourselves with God’s word, we need to allow time for this soul-searching. Self-examination is not something that we can hurry through. It takes time to carefully consider our ways. It helps to be still and listen.

We listen for God to speak to us in the inner promptings of our heart and conscience. Then we check these promptings against God’s word to discern his voice over our own.

“Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything“(1 John 3:18-20, emphasis added).

Are you caught in a debilitating cycle?

Sometimes we are caught in debilitating cycles of guilt and self-recrimination or self-doubt. Have I really loved God? Am I really sorry for my sin? Am I really forgiven? Objective examination of our actions against truth allows us to determine if these feelings or doubts are false or genuine. If they are false, even though we feel them deeply, we find confidence in the fact that God knows us more intimately than ourselves, that He knows everything, yet He freely forgives us anyway.

This is why self-examination must be conducted in the context of Scripture and of listening to God, and asking him to search our hearts. If we do it merely on our own, we are in danger of getting lost in our own navels and mired in the muck of self-loathing, or being deluded in the delight of self-congratulation.

Self-examination has two primary purposes: recognition, confession and repentance of sin, and developing an ordering awareness of our own soul that helps organize our lives around God, resulting in loving him with everything we’ve got.

Examination of Conscience and Confession

In the examination of conscience we search our hearts for sin and weakness for the purpose of confession and repentance. This is the practice encouraged in 1 Corinthians 11:27-29:

“A man ought to examine himself before he eats of the bread and drinks of the cup.”

The thought of shining a light into the dark recesses of our soul can be intimidating and not particularly inviting. It is scary to be vulnerable and open, even within the secrecy of our own hearts. We’d much rather not think about our sins or confront our fears and frailties.

But the exhortation to examination and confession is not for the purpose of punishment or naked exposure. It is an invitation to freedom. When Christ invites us to lay down our burdens in exchange for his yoke, one of those burdens is our sins and failures. When we hold on to sin or ignore it we add weight to the heavy load that is crippling our walk. Our souls groan under the heaviness of this baggage we cling too. When we acknowledge and confess our sins we undo the straps binding us to these deadweights and we experience lightness and freedom and joy.

The initial opening up and shining of the light can be painful like any physical examination of an ailing part of our body. I injured my shoulder recently (not practicing yoga!) and I needed a thorough examination to determine the nature of the injury. It was a very painful process of probing and testing the joint, but very necessary and now the healing can begin with appropriate therapy and care.

When we lay our sins before God and repent of them, the pain is temporary and the healing is promised. We do well to remember that we are not telling him anything he does not already know anyway!

“For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths”
(Proverbs 5:21).

When we open our hearts to His searching and confess our sin,

“he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:10-12).